Annual Corporate Meeting Gifts

Well done, Megson. Shareholders should drop off after fifteen minutes.

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

'It has come to my attention that we need to hedge against our five-year plan.'

"We're experienced an extraordinary amount of growth this year."

Bo're'droom

'Well the good news is that we've landed some huge contracts in China!'

"Ok, do we agree the minutes of the last meeting?"

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

'Mr. Dawson, about when I said 'don't pull any punches'...'

Lethal Presentation

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

'Great news this quarter! Losses are up in smoke, profits are high, and we're seeing lots of green!'

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

'Wake me up when he doesn't use a buzzword.'

'Now that we've defined 'happy deficits' let's try it out on the stockholders.'

"Look at them smiling. They've reached their comfort zone."

"We've called this special Stocholders meeting because we want all of our stock back."

"Listen to everybody's opinions? Please, we're not that desperate."

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

"Before I read the financial report I have to ask... do any of you have a weapon?"

"As you can see, sales have been a little erratic lately..."

'If I may say so, business is booming.'

"It's all a matter of planning...."

"...And that's how to translate honey into money."

'We took the old plan, folded in half, and now it's the new plan.'

"Remember, if I can't introduce you it's because I can't remember their name - so that's when you step in and introudce yourself so we can get them to say it, okay?" - Company Party Prep.

"At least we are consistently inconsistent."

"Let's kick off this Human Resource action with a game of Musical Chairs."

"I was a lot happier with the elephant in the room."

'Ms. Snack, prepare the conference room for an executive sting.'

"I've decided to add a little magic, so, everyone, say hello to my little friend."

I've been looking forward to this the whole year: It can get lonely out there...

"Who's ready to see what's going to happen in the fourth quarter?"

Bottom line, is that the sweet smell of success or your aftershave?