Annual Company Dinner Gifts

"As company chairman I'd like to thank you all for participating in the evenings entertainment and saving me �4000."

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

Bo're'droom

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

'Wake me up when he doesn't use a buzzword.'

"Listen to everybody's opinions? Please, we're not that desperate."

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

Businessman: 'We're like one big family here, because of all the nepotism.'

"...And that's how to translate honey into money."

"Remember, if I can't introduce you it's because I can't remember their name - so that's when you step in and introudce yourself so we can get them to say it, okay?" - Company Party Prep.

"Let's kick off this Human Resource action with a game of Musical Chairs."

"Hank brings five years of top sales experience to our team so lets try to make him feel welcome as he makes you all look bad."

'Absent friends!'

'Gerald, it's so nice to see you finally getting closer to your employees.'

'It could be worse. Imagine what it'd be like if we hadn't gone to that team building session last week.'

"Gentlemen, may I present our company's future. A buggy whip... with Bluetooth!"

'All right, I wanna know which one of you really like me and which ones are just networking...'

'Business is booming.' - at Uncle Bert's Explosives

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

'And now I'd like to name this month's recipient of the Dumbest Global E-mail Award...'

'Our first mistake was hiring an honest accounting firm.'

"Every year, it's the same darned thing! I take a two-week vacation, and while I'm gone, the company just falls apart!"

"For an up to date picture, I suggest we reconvene under the table."

"We could hire another accountant and secretary, but wouldn't it be fun to have a barista?"

Unintelligible speaker at Subway Announcers Dinner.

'So this is the company's new mission statement.'

Friends of the Royal Academy - Annual Dinner

'There always seems to be ONE trouble-maker in the company who gets a sick thrill from rebelling against our corporate culture!'

'Due to budget cutbacks we are combining our annual employee dinner with The Seven Basic Quality Control Tools Training.'

"And so as a hedge against this trend, the directors have decided to invest heavily in red ink."

'The Boss is coming to dinner tonight - please don't open a can of worms again.'

"Our profits have been out-sourced ."

'Marcy, Ted - so glad you could come! Let me direct you upstairs to the overflow room.'

Businessman's schedule full of confrontations.

'No wonder we're losing money! --This organizational chart is upside down!'