Corporate Annual Party Gifts

"I look at this as practice for when there actually is something to celebrate."

'I'm sure that one wasn't there last week.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

'I'm judging by your silence Al that you're giving me the green light on the Greenwich project. I just want to say that I admire your leadership. I guess that's why you've been running this company for 20 years.'

Build Your Own Portfolio

Bo're'droom

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

"Ok, do we agree the minutes of the last meeting?"

'Well the good news is that we've landed some huge contracts in China!'

'No, it's not really good - that's our lawsuits-to-earnings ratio.'

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

'Since I'm new here, let's start by clearning the air. You may have noticed that I'm short for a C.E.O. . .'

'I'm sorry, but everyone is in a meeting.'

Inclusive speech

"We're a very small international conglomerate."

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

"That's Paul, he's our head of partnerships..."

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

Sales chart is buildings in background.

'Try and be negative in a positive way.'

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

'Got to admit,as far as mission statements go, it's pretty damn bold.'

'Ok, here's the meeting agenda ... it's gonna be a long one.'

'Gentlemen, I've been authorized to sweeten the offer.'

'...and so you see our profits, not unlike Sir Isaac Newton, have felt the effects of gravity.'

'Wake me up when he doesn't use a buzzword.'

'Do you want to tell them their department is being downsized again, or should I?'

"Quit stalling, Smithers. Where's the SALES chart?"