Corporate Annual Party Pillows

"I look at this as practice for when there actually is something to celebrate."

'I'm sure that one wasn't there last week.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

'I'm judging by your silence Al that you're giving me the green light on the Greenwich project. I just want to say that I admire your leadership. I guess that's why you've been running this company for 20 years.'

Build Your Own Portfolio

Bo're'droom

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

"Ok, do we agree the minutes of the last meeting?"

'Well the good news is that we've landed some huge contracts in China!'

"We're a very small international conglomerate."

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

Inclusive speech

'No, it's not really good - that's our lawsuits-to-earnings ratio.'

'I'm sorry, but everyone is in a meeting.'

'Since I'm new here, let's start by clearning the air. You may have noticed that I'm short for a C.E.O. . .'

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

"That's Paul, he's our head of partnerships..."

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

'Try and be negative in a positive way.'

Sales chart is buildings in background.

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

'Ok, here's the meeting agenda ... it's gonna be a long one.'

'Gentlemen, I've been authorized to sweeten the offer.'

'Wake me up when he doesn't use a buzzword.'

'Do you want to tell them their department is being downsized again, or should I?'

"Quit stalling, Smithers. Where's the SALES chart?"

'He was only reaching for his powerpoint presentation pointer.'