Annual Corporate Event Pillows

"Remember, if I can't introduce you it's because I can't remember their name - so that's when you step in and introudce yourself so we can get them to say it, okay?" - Company Party Prep.

'I'm sure that one wasn't there last week.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

'I'm judging by your silence Al that you're giving me the green light on the Greenwich project. I just want to say that I admire your leadership. I guess that's why you've been running this company for 20 years.'

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'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

'Well the good news is that we've landed some huge contracts in China!'

"Ok, do we agree the minutes of the last meeting?"

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

'I'm sorry, but everyone is in a meeting.'

"That's Paul, he's our head of partnerships..."

Inclusive speech

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

'Since I'm new here, let's start by clearning the air. You may have noticed that I'm short for a C.E.O. . .'

"We're a very small international conglomerate."

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

Sales chart is buildings in background.

'Try and be negative in a positive way.'

"I'm not sure about this new trainee - he asked me when does he get to see the actual ropes."

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

'Got to admit,as far as mission statements go, it's pretty damn bold.'

'Ok, here's the meeting agenda ... it's gonna be a long one.'

'Gentlemen, I've been authorized to sweeten the offer.'

'...and so you see our profits, not unlike Sir Isaac Newton, have felt the effects of gravity.'

'Wake me up when he doesn't use a buzzword.'

"Quit stalling, Smithers. Where's the SALES chart?"

'Did you just show your teeth at me Wilson?'

'We've just become the biggest corporation in America.. let's celebrate today and begin downsizing tomorrow.'

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."