Corporate Event Pillows

"Well that answers the question 'Does the CEO understand what we do?'!"

"I like it!"

'I'm confident that with the right mix of role-playing exercises and prescription medication we'll make a cohesive team.'

'Yep, that does sound like an ethical dilemma, Phil. But relax... it's only a problem if you have a conscience.' 'That's just it! I think I do!!' 'Don't worry, I won't tell a soul.'

'Attention, everyone. Our CEO will be touring the department in ten minutes. Please take the 'Change is Good' placards out of your lower desk drawers, dust them off, and hang them in a prominent place. Thank you!'

'We are all accountable, but some are more accountable than others.'

'Just do the presentation Williams and let the numbers speak for themself.'

'I'm afraid the meeting will start a little late, the strategic business planning team are lost in the building somewhere.'

'What we need is a decision, not more foot-dragging.'

'This isn't the meeting. This is the pre-premeeting to talk about when to meet and plan the meeting.'

'But APART from increased profitability, better customer support, enhanced margins, reduced stress and improved staff morale WHAT is the POINT of all this emphasis on increased PRODUCTIVITY?'

"I don't think the guy with the business-card cannon has ever been to an actual networking event,"

'And in conclusion, perhaps a change of business model is in order.'

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

"What we didn't have but obviously needed was an alarmist."

"...this new policy is a credit to mumbo jumbo."

"Let me stop you right there. Look, you're paid to keep the competition out of our territory. I don't need to hear all the grizzly details."

'Communication within the company is really bad according to this report.'

'Yeah, but they sure make negotiations go faster.'

Sales chart plummets into employees head.

With a great team behind you, you can achieve so much more...

'Send it back to committee - oh, this is committee.'

"They're slowly adapting to the open-office concept."

'Gentlemen, I've been authorized to sweeten the offer.'

Businessmen presented with the Ten Commandments: 'We'll think about it.'

'Would everyone please join hands for a moment? I'd like to try jump-starting this meeting!'

The Card Flinger

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'The nice thing about America is, no matter how the economy is doing, you can always blame the Chairman of the Federal Reserve.'

'You're right...that robot certainly has increased productivity around here!'

"We have reason to believe there may be some volatility in the fourth quarter."

'Why don't we try a renegotiated buyout offer before we go with the Plague of Rabid Bats thing.'

'Communications is a problem here. I never even knew we had an East-Coast Division!'

'Astonishing! I just used a compass to follow the moral course of our company!'

"I had my people get in touch with your people, and you know what? We have the same people."