Annual Business Meeting Gifts

"There's been a 27% cut in our customer empathy budget, so you'll have to tell them to sod off."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

"Gentlemen, I'm pleased to say the firm is perfectly positioned to avoid chapter eleven and still be in existence this time next year."

'I've learned a lot about myself at these meetings...like, I can fall asleep with my eyes open!'

'Well the good news is that we've landed some huge contracts in China!'

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

'Asynchronous, collaborative, interactive - we're obviously on a roll.'

Business of Fingerpointing Line Art

'The sunglasses idea would have worked if you hadn't started snoring.'

'Try and be negative in a positive way.'

It would be a painful forty five minutes before Arthur finally admitted he left his presentation at home.

"My report to the board was perfect. They did not understand a word of it and now think I'm smarter than them."

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

'Gentlemen, I've been authorized to sweeten the offer.'

'Wake me up when he doesn't use a buzzword.'

'Loved your bit on market share, Felton - perfect blend of plausibility and outright deception.'

'Now that we've defined 'happy deficits' let's try it out on the stockholders.'

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

"We've called this special Stocholders meeting because we want all of our stock back."

"To summarize the year: we were taken over, we took over, we were taken over and we took over."

"Listen to everybody's opinions? Please, we're not that desperate."

"So let's roll up our sleeves and show that America still builds the world's greatest advertising."

'All right! Who put my dozing-off during our last meeting on youtube?'

'Our job will be to drag the competition down to our level.'

'If I may say so, business is booming.'

"I suggest we start with the low hanging fruit."

'We will not kick the can down the road... Does anyone know how to use a can opener?'

"...And that's how to translate honey into money."

"I love these off-site business meetings."

"We need to think outside the pentangle."

"It's all a matter of planning...."

"I'm so efficient I can screw up two assignments in the time it takes most people to screw up just one."

Office meeting

"Remember, if I can't introduce you it's because I can't remember their name - so that's when you step in and introudce yourself so we can get them to say it, okay?" - Company Party Prep.

'I'll show you mine, if you show me yours.'