Staff Team Gifts

"Before we start the meeting do we have any apologies?"

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"Let's start with an icebreaker..."

Multi-tasking.

'These are job perks.'

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

'Due to cutbacks, he lost his company vehicle, so he has to improvise.'

'The ultimate sign of success is when no one puts you on hold.'

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

Busy office.

Though Mr. Frackman had yet to say a word, Bill sensed he was about to receive a particularly lousy performance review.

'Hey, I'm not paying you people to watch the clock. That's Henderson's job.'

Happy Birthday to you.

'He's finally done it - kicked breakfast TV!'

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

'I'd give you a raise, but I had to throw tantrums to make my parents give me anything as a kid.'

'Need I remind you who's boss here?'

"I'll be glad when they invent PowerPoint."

'Normally, I would give credit where credit is due but we're in a credit crunch. Therefore, I will take all the credit for your hard work on this project.'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

The role of administration.

Brainstorm in progress.

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."

'Tesco's cheif executive meets with staff.'

'I'm afraid I can't take you to my leader without a prior appointment.'

A Hypochondriac's Worst Nightmare

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'

"A simple note from your mother would have sufficed, Tommy."

"We've combine the recovery area with the gift shop... just in case your visitors want to pick up a little souvenir."

Sales.

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."