Agency Staff Gifts

"We'll look at your portfolio if and when you turn into a beautiful swan."

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

Multi-tasking.

'These are job perks.'

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

'Due to cutbacks, he lost his company vehicle, so he has to improvise.'

'The ultimate sign of success is when no one puts you on hold.'

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

'He's written some great slogans and some great labels, but he's never written a great coupon.'

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

'He's finally done it - kicked breakfast TV!'

Busy office.

'Need I remind you who's boss here?'

'I'd give you a raise, but I had to throw tantrums to make my parents give me anything as a kid.'

Though Mr. Frackman had yet to say a word, Bill sensed he was about to receive a particularly lousy performance review.

'Normally, I would give credit where credit is due but we're in a credit crunch. Therefore, I will take all the credit for your hard work on this project.'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

Brainstorm in progress.

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

The role of administration.

'I'm afraid I can't take you to my leader without a prior appointment.'

'Tesco's cheif executive meets with staff.'

"A simple note from your mother would have sufficed, Tommy."

We're transferring you to company headquarters so you can kiss company hindquarters.

'Look Jefferson, much as I respect your emphasis of the informal approach...'

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

"I intend to stay in this job, come Hell or high water."

'Brains...brains...brains...'

Targets.

'It was at this point that the executive group began its hatha flow retreats.'

Sales.

"On reflection i think i could have coped with just 340' feedback."

'At this juncture in my presentation, I'd like to dispense with the illusion of coherence.'