Employment Agency Staff Gifts

"I'm available every day except one."

Temporary Worker Bee

'I had to quit my job at the colander factory. I couldn't take the strain.'

'You're in luck - we do have a temporary position in advertising'.

Just Another Brick In The Wall, temporary workers.

EMPLOYMENT AGENCY, 'While my reserve unit was guarding the Iraqi border, an illegal alien took my job.'

'He's written some great slogans and some great labels, but he's never written a great coupon.'

'Yes I'm sure we can find an opening for you, Mr Smith!'

'I'm not here looking for a job. I'm the temp who's replacing you when the boss fires you today.'

"Would you like something you're under qualified for, or something you're overqualified for?"

"Well, I have an opening in Cloverdale Mall ... let me hear you say Ho Ho Ho."

'...I know just the man, I'll send him right over.'

When staffing agencies screw up.

'Hello, is that the employment agency? It's about the domestic you sent me.'

"I'm from the Duvall Executive Search Agency, and I leave no stone unturned."

Jobs for graduates

"Take the goldfish. If it's still alive in six months, call us for another interview."

'Now that they've got a new Pope, there aren't any openings for old guys.'

"We've checked, and it's fine with women."

Corporate Advertising Agency: WEEKLY SCAM MEETING

"Any talents besides tasting good?"

Overly wordy travel.

"Sorry, we have to let you go. You've grown too tall for our cubicles."

"Do you get the impression poster companies don't like us?"

'Relax, you are in doggy heaven. I'm just from a temp service.'

'I've never read such stupid twaddle in all my life, I like it'

'It's not a punchline to an office joke or TV commercial, Perkins. 'You're Fired' - for real!'

"Of course the extra costs of the 'minimum wage' has had an impact upon our recruitment policies...we have to be a lot more selective!"

'Employment agency: We have lots of jobs for robots, apps, drones.'

'I'm the new chairman the temp agency sent over.'

"I like your resume, Andy. It shows you're smart, a good worker and full of potassium!"

"Actually I'm a waiter but things are pretty slow at the moment and I'm looking for something to fill in between jobs."

EMPLOYMENT AGENCY, 'While my reserve unit was guarding the Iraqi border, an illegal alien took my job.'

"My most recent position was under a house."

Three cheers for advertising.