Unemployment Office Staff Gifts

"I was laid off FROM the unemployment office."

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

Overworked in the office

'Is that the sweet smell of success or some imitation air freshener?'

'We're here to carbon date your company's carbon footprint.'

"I hate performance review season."

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

"The meeting will last until lunch, or hell freezes over, whichever is longer."

"I'm overpaid and underworked, but you don't see me complaining!"

Parade of Businessmen

Meat Grinder

'The boss put his picture up to enspire us. But it just isn't having that effect on me.'

"It's me. I'm calling in sick of it."

'I'd give you a raise, but I had to throw tantrums to make my parents give me anything as a kid.'

'What's the matter... you're not grim here?'

"I've always wanted an empire of Distance Learning Campuses."

'I'm not worried about losing my job. I'm worried about keeping it.'

'On your marks. Get set. Go!' - 'Come on! Keep going! You can do it!' - 'Yay! You're 8 hours closer to the grave!' - 'Oh, God.'

We're transferring you to company headquarters so you can kiss company hindquarters.

"Ms. Ray, you're getting a promotion! You're no longer my Gal Friday. You're now my Gal Saturday."

"A simple note from your mother would have sufficed, Tommy."

'He's an expendable.'

'I'm still not sure HOW it happened. One minute, we were bouncing ideas off each other, and the next thing I knew, we were using furniture instead!'

'Your resume seems in order, Mr. Lupo, but would you explain exactly why you want to work here> Mr. Lupo...?

'I'd also like to welcome Henderson here, who joins us through Equal Opportunities for the undead.'

The suggestion box.

Bureau to cut back on bureaucratic paperwork...

Boss to employee: 'I'm downsizing your paycheck.'

"We missed the meeting, but there might be a couple of the little muffins left."

"Staff are overworked, we need a new work life balance. Have ideas on my desk by Monday."

"No more thinking outside the box Bamford. From now on I want you to do all your thinking inside your box!"

"Hey, Dunleavy! I hear the boss is clearing out more dead wood today! Maybe you should've just stayed home and called in stick! Get it? Called in stick?"