Unemployment Office Staff Gifts

"I was laid off FROM the unemployment office."

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

'Is that the sweet smell of success or some imitation air freshener?'

Overworked in the office

'We're here to carbon date your company's carbon footprint.'

"I hate performance review season."

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

"The meeting will last until lunch, or hell freezes over, whichever is longer."

"I'm overpaid and underworked, but you don't see me complaining!"

'I went to my boss and demanded the fruits of my labor. He gave me a Blackberry.'

Parade of Businessmen

Meat Grinder

'The boss put his picture up to enspire us. But it just isn't having that effect on me.'

'All right! Who put my dozing-off during our last meeting on youtube?'

'What's the matter... you're not grim here?'

'I'd give you a raise, but I had to throw tantrums to make my parents give me anything as a kid.'

"It's me. I'm calling in sick of it."

"I've always wanted an empire of Distance Learning Campuses."

'I'm not worried about losing my job. I'm worried about keeping it.'

'On your marks. Get set. Go!' - 'Come on! Keep going! You can do it!' - 'Yay! You're 8 hours closer to the grave!' - 'Oh, God.'

"A simple note from your mother would have sufficed, Tommy."

'He's an expendable.'

"Ms. Ray, you're getting a promotion! You're no longer my Gal Friday. You're now my Gal Saturday."

We're transferring you to company headquarters so you can kiss company hindquarters.

'I'm still not sure HOW it happened. One minute, we were bouncing ideas off each other, and the next thing I knew, we were using furniture instead!'

'Your resume seems in order, Mr. Lupo, but would you explain exactly why you want to work here> Mr. Lupo...?

'I'd also like to welcome Henderson here, who joins us through Equal Opportunities for the undead.'

Bureau to cut back on bureaucratic paperwork...

The suggestion box.

Boss to employee: 'I'm downsizing your paycheck.'

"The meeting was canceled after an outbreak of contagious yawning!"

"It's tragic to seek how quickly the enthusiasm of youth drains away..."

Man with post it note