Employment Officer Gifts

'I just don't get it. I've applied for over 200 jobs, but I've never even got a call back.'

'I'm looking for a temp job to fill the gap between my indictment and incarceration.'

Thankless jobs...always hiring!

"Very nice résumé. Leave a sample of your DNA with my secretary."

'I hear you might have a job for me.'

'Sorry Mr Platypus, but we have little need for a swimming-instructor around here...'

'Can you dance?'

'Him? Oh, that's Mr Vandango, a previous applicant. Well now, let's see what job we can find for you, okay'?

Employment Office.

'Job centre' doorway as a machine for washing humans

'Right, we've worked out your work skills.'

'My master insists I become a working dog.'

"Sorry, still no openings for a professional 'Clapper.'"

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

A very young man being hired as a groom.

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

"We offer a generous flex time policy - you can work your 90 hours per week any way you'd like."

Deskboxes: 'LATE' and 'NEVER'.

'If we hadn't outsourced the staff, we could've eaten them.'

"Let me put it this way: I'm hitting 'Unlike' and 'Unhire.'"

'I have serious doubts about the efficiency of that new 'apples and bucket' hiring test.'

'I'd also like to welcome Henderson here, who joins us through Equal Opportunities for the undead.'

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

"And this is our new HR officer in charge of morale..."

"We had to lay off most of the staff to pay for the recruitment and training of new staff to replace the staff we laid off."

'Remember that promotion you were asking for last month, , ,Well, something just opened up,'

"Well, I have an opening in Cloverdale Mall ... let me hear you say Ho Ho Ho."

'You're in luck - we do have a temporary position in advertising'.

"We don't pay you less because you're a woman.. we pay you less because we're men!"

"Did I say 'corner office'? I meant 'corner of my office'."

"People are always banging on about the advantages of 'so-called' diversity."

'...I know just the man, I'll send him right over.'

'Due to budget cuts we are having to take on more temporary staff.'

"How come politicians don't earn mimimum wage. If anybody does minimum work, it's them."