Job Placement Officer Gifts

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

'All I'm saying, as your Deserted Island Job Placement Rep, is that you should use this time to stay current on industry trends.'

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"Peterson proposes we move out of the mountains."

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

A very young man being hired as a groom.

'The whole floor got together and came up with a few things you could work on.'

Deskboxes: 'LATE' and 'NEVER'.

Surprised chicken: 'I know. I can't believe it either.'

'If we hadn't outsourced the staff, we could've eaten them.'

"Let me put it this way: I'm hitting 'Unlike' and 'Unhire.'"

'I have serious doubts about the efficiency of that new 'apples and bucket' hiring test.'

"I'm sending you to Siberia. Your job is remaining here."

'It's not easy to get one of these - before that you have to have found a parking space!'

'Remember that promotion you were asking for last month, , ,Well, something just opened up,'

"We had to lay off most of the staff to pay for the recruitment and training of new staff to replace the staff we laid off."

'We have to move - they're putting in a cell phone tower up here.'

'We can't find a pond small enough where you'd be a big fish.'

"Did I say 'corner office'? I meant 'corner of my office'."

"it appears I'm being relocated"

'Due to budget cuts we are having to take on more temporary staff.'

"Wow! Good news - the line is getting shorter!"

"Very nice résumé. Leave a sample of your DNA with my secretary."

"I need to take a call. Argue amongst yourselves."

"Aren't you the old guy in purchasing whose decades of slavish devotion inspired us to replace you with a small army of sycophants?"

'The really scary part is that he is the new head of human resources.'

Attention: Speed Troughs

"We re cutting back on overhead."

"Kicking you upstairs is, of course, just a figure of speech. What we're really doing is sending you deeper into the countryside."

"I love my job, don't get me wrong, but my wife is starting to resent the fact I have to travel so much..."

No Double Parking

"Did you hear - we're being transferred from bomb-sniffing to trans fats."

"We only hire temps, and you have a look of permanence about you."

'W e e e l l . . . my mum says I'm good at testing the patience of saints'

Disgruntled former employees