Recruitment Officers Gifts

"Rudolph, call the recruitment department - I asked for 'Elvish helpers!'"

Trans People Are Welcome to Kill for the Military

Employment Agency - Closed.

'We get Lt. Withers to play a French dandy and try to intimidate the new recruits.'

"So I take it that having your head cryogenically frozen accounts for the thirty-five year gap in employment?"

"Had another of those lectures from HR about 'So-called' diversity."

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

"That recruitment algorithm we’ve been using, I think we need to revisit it!"

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

"OK, you're good and just the guy we need in security."

A very young man being hired as a groom.

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

"I've told you why I need a dog. Now suppose you tell me what makes you think you might be that dog."

"We offer a generous flex time policy - you can work your 90 hours per week any way you'd like."

"Where we lack in productivity is made up by extremely low employee turnover."

"I have a Bachelor's degree from Columbia, an MBA from Stanford, six years experience, and I'm a hell of a mouser."

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."

'I don't understand. You've wasted the whole interview going on and on about what you know... I think you'd better start telling me who you know.'

"You're kidding! You count S.A.T.s?"

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

"Suppose you tell me why you want to be a faceless drone at Globatron Inc.?"

"Let me put it this way: I'm hitting 'Unlike' and 'Unhire.'"

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

"Who's next?"

'Your CV says in your last job you were responsible for...'

'Yes I'm sure we can find an opening for you, Mr Smith!'

'If we hadn't outsourced the staff, we could've eaten them.'