Recruitment Staff Gifts

"Sorry, we have to let you go. You've grown too tall for our cubicles."

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

'I've already been recruited by one of the top fast-food chains in the country!'

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

"That recruitment algorithm we’ve been using, I think we need to revisit it!"

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

A very young man being hired as a groom.

"OK, you're good and just the guy we need in security."

'...we have every new employee spend time on our assembly line. Eight hours, no breaks.'

"I've told you why I need a dog. Now suppose you tell me what makes you think you might be that dog."

"I have a Bachelor's degree from Columbia, an MBA from Stanford, six years experience, and I'm a hell of a mouser."

'I don't understand. You've wasted the whole interview going on and on about what you know... I think you'd better start telling me who you know.'

'We like your style, but hate your substance.'

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

"Suppose you tell me why you want to be a faceless drone at Globatron Inc.?"

'If we hadn't outsourced the staff, we could've eaten them.'

"Who's next?"

"I've learned something in this trial. My firm needs to hire that prosecutor."

"Let me put it this way: I'm hitting 'Unlike' and 'Unhire.'"

"Thanks for considering me for the job as head of cybersecurity, but I already hacked into your network and gave myself the job."

"But what you call a track record I call ancient history."

'I have serious doubts about the efficiency of that new 'apples and bucket' hiring test.'

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

'I think and work spectacularly well either inside or outside the box.'

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

"What are your other qualifications besides 'my daddy owns the company'?"

"I'm long term unemployed because jerks like you won't hire me!"

Your resume says you were a waiter...

'Are you picky about preferring something with a livable wage?'