Recruitment Staff Gifts

"Sorry, we have to let you go. You've grown too tall for our cubicles."

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

'I've already been recruited by one of the top fast-food chains in the country!'

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

"That recruitment algorithm we’ve been using, I think we need to revisit it!"

A very young man being hired as a groom.

"OK, you're good and just the guy we need in security."

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

'...we have every new employee spend time on our assembly line. Eight hours, no breaks.'

"I've told you why I need a dog. Now suppose you tell me what makes you think you might be that dog."

"I have a Bachelor's degree from Columbia, an MBA from Stanford, six years experience, and I'm a hell of a mouser."

'I don't understand. You've wasted the whole interview going on and on about what you know... I think you'd better start telling me who you know.'

'We like your style, but hate your substance.'

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

"Who's next?"

"Let me put it this way: I'm hitting 'Unlike' and 'Unhire.'"

"Suppose you tell me why you want to be a faceless drone at Globatron Inc.?"

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

"I've learned something in this trial. My firm needs to hire that prosecutor."

'If we hadn't outsourced the staff, we could've eaten them.'

"Thanks for considering me for the job as head of cybersecurity, but I already hacked into your network and gave myself the job."

"But what you call a track record I call ancient history."

'I have serious doubts about the efficiency of that new 'apples and bucket' hiring test.'

'I think and work spectacularly well either inside or outside the box.'

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

"HR think we need to look again at your recruitment strategy."

"Again, you may exercise your right to remain silent, but it's going to work against you since this is a job interview."

Your resume says you were a waiter...

"Very impressive resume, however you didn't explain why you were tagged and released from your last job."