Recruitment Manager Gifts

'No thanks! Knowing what I'm supposed to be doing might throw me off.'

'I hope it doesn't feel like prying...but HR insist, we've got quotas to fill! You aren't buy any chance black or lesbian are you?'

"Friendly tip for your next interview - the interviewer gets the big chair."

"Good gracious, no sir! He's at a hiring fair."

"Your job application has one serious problem. Me."

"...And I don't mind snitching on my co-workers!"

"Do you have any unadvertised vacancies?"

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

"Clear my schedule for the next five minutes. I feel the need for some spontaneous frivolity."

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

The MBA Draft

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

Bo're'droom

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

"Ok, do we agree the minutes of the last meeting?"

'We should buy London and ship it to the States!'

'Being the boss's yes-man used to be easier. Now you also have to 'like' him on facebook, follow him on Twitter, link with him on linked-in...'

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

The trend toward less formal offices began to gain steam.