Recruitment Manager Gifts

'No thanks! Knowing what I'm supposed to be doing might throw me off.'

'I hope it doesn't feel like prying...but HR insist, we've got quotas to fill! You aren't buy any chance black or lesbian are you?'

"Friendly tip for your next interview - the interviewer gets the big chair."

"Good gracious, no sir! He's at a hiring fair."

"Your job application has one serious problem. Me."

"...And I don't mind snitching on my co-workers!"

"Do you have any unadvertised vacancies?"

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

"Clear my schedule for the next five minutes. I feel the need for some spontaneous frivolity."

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

The MBA Draft

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

Bo're'droom

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

"Ok, do we agree the minutes of the last meeting?"

'We should buy London and ship it to the States!'

The trend toward less formal offices began to gain steam.

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

'I'm sorry, but everyone is in a meeting.'

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

A disgruntled employee chain-sawes hois boss's desk in two.Boss says:'Alright Smith, I'll stop referring to the employees as 'oopsy daisies'.'