Hiring Manager Gifts

"Tell me about a time you identified a problem that others didn't see coming."

'We were ready to hire you until we saw the photo of you on Facebook sliding on the ice...'

'We only hire people who are willing to take on more than they can handle.'

"The bunny did not get the job because the bunny is cute. The bunny got the job because the bunny knows WordPerfect."

'We're looking for someone who's comfortable taking risks.'

"I'm sorry, but I can't hire you. I typed your name in on a search engine, and lazy, selfish, and unmotivated were the categories that came up."

"Number four wasn't bad, at least he removed his personal CD earphones for most of the interview."

'Vicious, intelligent and ruthless? Certainly. But I think my biggest asset is that I'm a survivor!'

'We were going to hire you, but a background check showed you pulled a girl's ponytail in the 2nd grade. We don't need abusive people working here.'

'This test has nothing to do with psychological profiling, we just need to make sure we're not hiring an idiot.'

'This is more precise than objectively reviewing resumes.'

'Well, I guess a master's degree is a master's degree, even if it is in skateboarding.'

"We're interested in words, not deeds."

"...but what we're looking for is ability"

"This is so much more fun than reading CVs."

"Just the one old school tie would have done"

'And our family friendly policy means your children can work here too.'

-"Brian, how are you at decision making?" -"Do you need the answer right away?"

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

'What's your policy on working from home?'

'Refusing to fill in a psychometric test reveals a lot about you, Jones.'

"Where do you see yourself in five years?"

"This resume appears to cover only the last forty-five minutes."

'40 hours...all in one week?'

Thanks, I'd like to accept the job, but what is the salary? Sorry, it's against company policy to disclose that!

"What we're looking for is somebody of about twenty five with forty years' experience."

"I'm looking for a 'yes man' who can say 'no' without sounding negative"

'Let me get this straight: The job comes with a full health care package? Including a dental plan? Impressive! What kind of salary are we talking?'

"Personally, I'd like to hire you, Mike, but the company has some serious concerns about your core competencies!"

'Of course I know the difference between right and wrong! Wrong pays better!'

'I must say, your resume is the finest piece of creative fiction to ever cross my desk.'

'You get 104 personal day. They're called Saturdays and Sundays.'

'I'm just sorting through the latest job applications now.'

"Do I want the job? Huh, I never thought about it like that."

"Actually, the job calls for someone who is convex."