Hr Managers Gifts

'Yes, I received your resume that you emailed. I ran a fact check and I was wondering if you know that a half truth is a whole lie.'

'I'm really sorry, but production costs are far lower in Korea!'

'It says here you like to push the envelope.'

"Briggs is running our stress at work assessment."

"Of course I'm aware of all the office gossip. I started it."

'And the final point on our agenda: International Women's Day. Any fresh ideas?'

"And this is for keeping wages down."

Always put your best foot forward - the one with the least lint between the toes.

Personnel,' Possible candidates'-'That'll be the day'.

"It's part of our company's new health plan. You don't ever have to leave your desk for the virtual colonoscopy..."

'I can't work with a woman whose shoulders are broader than mine.'

'Some good news! Any of you in this layoff who become homeless, we will lend you bus fare to warmer climes!'

You'll find nepotism is rife here.

The Glass Ceiling

Career in a rut? Call ********* The recruitment specialists.

Employee of the Year

"I'll do anything, up to, but not including, communicating with you, to make you feel better."

The Best Man For The Job Is A WOman

"Of course you couldn't be replaced by an app. It would take at least two."

"Looks like you're quite the wheeler and dealer... unfortunately we're only hiring movers and shakers."

"Safety has been a problem, but it's worth the money we save by eliminating company cars."

"The firm is implementing a new policy on staff consultation, and devolved decision-making. How do you think we should manage the five-year IT integration and hardware acquisition policy?"

"Well, Mr Anderson, you resume and references look great. All we need from you now is a full personality assessment, an ancestry report, and your horoscope for the next ninety days... then we can talk about a second interview."

"Hard work got me to where I am today and yours will help ensure I stay there."

See, Hear, Speak No Evil.

"Any other qualifications apart from 36 Facebook friends?"

"I'm sorry, Wilson, but here at Tastee Cookie Corp. we no longer recognize the Geneva Conventions."

"Very impressive, but our hiring freeze extends to and includes, even those individuals graced with the tawny thighs of a jungle cat."

"While not a native American Indian my self I do find the term 'low man on the Totem pole' to be an offensive stereotype."

"We welcome our first female employee - to make you feel more comfortable, we put some feminine hygiene products by the water cooler for you!"

'I was successful in meeting expectations by lowering them during the job interview.'

"We've hiked associate pay substantially, and we will of course need something in return..."

'You wouldn't be here if you had provided your employees and yourself with a health care plan.'

'We're downsizing you, Ruggles -- Hand over the elevator shoes.'

"And one other thing....It's not on the CV, but I golf."