Human Resource Manager Gifts

'Yes, I suppose certain narrow-minded people would call it a ‘pack of lies' - I prefer to think of it as creative up-selling.'

I'm not wearing this T.U.P.E

'...we have every new employee spend time on our assembly line. Eight hours, no breaks.'

"I've been working from home for the last couple of years."

'Haven't you cracked that yet ?'

'We are an environmentally sensitive organization. We will have to do a background check on the size of your carbon footprint before we can make an offer of employment.'

'Nice smile! What do you think?'

'How soon can you be started?'

"Typical company, I'm the only woman!!"

'This government commitment to extend flexible working has got me tied up in knots.'

'Frankly, we're looking for someone very much unlike you.'

'So far, so good -- I got a second interview!'

'While they always come back as unfounded, maybe you could prevent these allegations of sexual harassment by not telling people you like the cut of their jib.'

'It's not you, they're shutting down the whole frontal lobe. Thinking is no longer a priority.'

My, my, we're justs a little overprotective of our propriety knowledge, aren't we?

'I can do that job for even less.'

'Boy, it really frosts me when they manage to sneak in the last word right after I push the button!'

'Have you had much experience being downsized?'

'At this company, we don't get sick, Kiesnowski!'

'I told you I'd deal with your transfer request, Jenkins. Cut the deck!'

"This is employee model 1972! Slightly worn, not to bright, but still useful for easy tasks! We will replace this model with a new one next year!"

"When I interviewed him I mentioned that this company is pretty laid back. My mistake."

"So tell me, what do you hope to achieve this year?"

But I Can't Afford to Accept Economic Reality!

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'