Resource Managers Gifts

"...In the long run, we'd like patients to see an accounts clerk, nurse, and resource manager before they get anywhere near the doctor..."

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

Businesswoman Empowerment

British savings accounts

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

"Clear my schedule for the next five minutes. I feel the need for some spontaneous frivolity."

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

'It has come to my attention that we need to hedge against our five-year plan.'

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

The MBA Draft

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

Bo're'droom

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

"Ok, do we agree the minutes of the last meeting?"

'I'm sorry, but everyone is in a meeting.'

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

'Salaries Manager. No.'

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

'We should buy London and ship it to the States!'