Resources Manager Gifts

Biblical Procurement Tales: Project Ark.

The origin of the phrase 'staff cuts'.

e-procurement

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

British savings accounts

Businesswoman Empowerment

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

'It has come to my attention that we need to hedge against our five-year plan.'

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

"Stop the throw-away mentality! Save resources! A New Year every 750 days is quite enough!"

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

'Salaries Manager. No.'

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

Scarcity

Servant brings king skateboard on pillow.

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

'We like your zip-a-dee. You need to work on your dooh-dah.'

"The desktop skills test was a little worrying,56% couldn't manage 'Word' 75% were confused by 'Excel' and 43% wanted to know what channel 'Eastenders' was on."

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

Meat Grinder

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

'You're right. Our old safety files have become a safety concern.'

The Corporate Ladder and the Corporate Elevator.

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

Clients who show up early for an appointment are really annoying ??" especially when you work from home.

'...we have every new employee spend time on our assembly line. Eight hours, no breaks.'

'Perkins, we're getting rid of some of the dead wood around here.'

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

"Where we lack in productivity is made up by extremely low employee turnover."

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

Failure/Due Diligence

HR - Helping Relationships

Corporate departments as a metaphor for growing up.

"In my old job we were encouraged to run fast and break things."