New Hire Manager Gifts

Bird Brain

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

Where your mind & battle are los

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

"This position has become very important to the company."

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

The Businessmen Have to Make Decisions from Many Options

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

Businesswoman Empowerment

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

At the end of each day, Gary had approximately 7 minutes of free time – which left him feeling very vulnerable.

"My email is down... talk to me."

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."