New Manager Gifts

"To maintain proper respect for management, you have to call me 'Boss Joey!' Unless, you know, you don't want to."

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

Where your mind & battle are los

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

The Businessmen Have to Make Decisions from Many Options

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

"Stock options for your thoughts."

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

"This position has become very important to the company."

At the end of each day, Gary had approximately 7 minutes of free time – which left him feeling very vulnerable.

Businesswoman Empowerment

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"My email is down... talk to me."

"Miracles happen, gentlemen, but they don't come cheap."

'What sort of mission statement is that?'