Manager Gifts

"It's always 'Sit,' 'Stay,' 'Heel'—never 'Think,' 'Innovate,' 'Be yourself.' "

"No, Thursday's out. How about never - is never good for you?"

"Miss Harwood, please see to it that the halls are decked."

"Now that the holidays are over we'd like you to get back to crunching numbers."

Collaboration

'A career? A life? Isn't that a conflict of interest?'

Ten Months Later

"Before we begin this family meeting, how about we go around and say our names and a little something about ourselves."

'How the hell do I tell them i haven't a clue where we're going?'

'Stay with me now, people, because in Step C, things get a bit delicate.'

"And, while there's no reason yet to panic, I think it only prudent that we make preparations to panic."

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

'Who vetted that leader?'

"For God's sake, Edwards. Put the laser pointer away."

"Remember, as soon as his boss joins the video conference, it's showtime."

'He's done well considering he was just a part-time summer intern.'

"Perhaps we're overthinking the situation."

"Hey! I was looking all over for you. You have the wrong piece of paper."

'I don't get it...after all the budget cuts to streamline the work force, why aren't we moving faster.'

"We were hoping that you could work from work today."

Communication Breakdowns

Brainstorm Ideas why meeting should be over

"No, not there, please. That's where I'm going to put my head."

"I am not a workaholic. I just work to relax."

"Any questions?"

'Put this memo in an envelope marked 'Confidential'. Drop it on the floor in the hall. Make sure you do not seal the envelope. That way, we can be sure all employees will read the memo.'

'We have two options. Boldly tackle the challenges ahead, or hold off and hope an asteroid strikes.'

'As a part of a cost-cutting experiment all of our safety measures will be replaced with these good luck charms.'

Out of Focus Group

"Thanks a bunch. I'll just run these by our committee and pass them along."

'Your performance review is next Tuesday. You're allowed to bring a guitar and up to three backup singers.'

"It's come to my attention, Wycliff, that you're actually planning a life outside the office."

"The resolution has been made and seconded that we stick our heads in the sand."

"I didn't get where I am by trying to please."

"I never thought I'd see the day, they're taking our suggestions seriously at last!"