Hiring Managers Gifts

"I'm going to write a figure on this paper. You tell me if it looks like a turtle."

"The deciding factor that got us to hire you above all the others was the 20% off coupon you added to your resume."

If you are going to fact check my resume, I embellished the part about being an astronaut.

"I expected you would write something."

"I'm just curious why you included a section in your resume that says 'The lost years...'"

"Do you have any other qualifications apart from being a cat?"

"How soon can you start?"

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

'I read your resume. It's good, but I prefer reading non fiction.'

His goal of the toughest interview questions ever was technically a victory, but most considered it an example of not what to do.

Very well, Mr Potter. I blinked first. You're hired.

'Any organizations you belong to, other than satanic cults?'

"Your experience is impressive and your qualifications excellent but I'm afraid you're let down by not being the same as everyone else."

'Excellent application, lots of relevant experience and stellar qualifications, but I'm afraid your womb lets you down!'

"Keeping down twelve pints is rather impressive, Mr Bagley, but can you describe any other, rather more pertinent, strengths?"

"One of my strengths as an employee is my ability to multitask."

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

Where your mind & battle are los

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."