New Employees Gifts

'Welcome to our staff, Ms. Newborn. There are a few things you should know about us from the outset. I'm a hummer... Mr Bellencourt is a whistle...And Morton, over there by the window, screams from time-to-time.'

"You're a disaster Jones, you've only been here a week and you're already a month behind with work."

"Martin seems to be happy here, but wait 'til he's been here a day."

"Well, the sooner he starts, the better."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

Where your mind & battle are los

At the end of each day, Gary had approximately 7 minutes of free time – which left him feeling very vulnerable.

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

Butterfly Woman

'Let's not go by the book.'

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

Large Dollar Sign Office Block

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

'How fast can you hype?'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

Others will fight for you

"It's clear to me that you want to go far with this company."

"I caution everyone to avoid taking the first field reporter job that comes along."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

'You wanna play another round?' 'Sure....tender, another round!'

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"You've proven your worth a hundred times over. Let's try for a thousand."

We should take a break. Ron's eyes have turned into spinning rainbow wheels.

Things-to-do-today: Daily workboxes piled up on desk.

"Helen brings home our second, third and fourth incomes."

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf