Hiring Processes Gifts

"What makes you think you'll fit in here?"

'Upper management still relies on resumes...boring!'

'Do you have any other references besides the one from the Reverend Flowers?'

'Why did you offer the job to this one?'

'I see an applicant being hired!'

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

Outer Space Outsourcing

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

"So what makes you think you're qualified for this job?"

"That recruitment algorithm we’ve been using, I think we need to revisit it!"

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

"OK, you're good and just the guy we need in security."

Personnel - "This letter of recommendation is full of misspellings!"

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

"I've told you why I need a dog. Now suppose you tell me what makes you think you might be that dog."

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

"I have a Bachelor's degree from Columbia, an MBA from Stanford, six years experience, and I'm a hell of a mouser."

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

"Personally, I'd like to hire you, Mike, but the company has some serious concerns about your core competencies!"

"I'm looking for a 'yes man' who can say 'no' without sounding negative"

'Impressive resume, We'll verify it through Facebook, Twitter and Tumblr and get back to you,'

'...And for the low visibility positions we can bring people on board who can, you know...do things.'

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."