Employment Processes Gifts

'Of course, Mr. Handley here is the one who does all the hiring and firing.'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

Outer Space Outsourcing

37 years in the same position.

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'Curious how all four previous employers spelt 'exceptional' with just an 'x'.'

'I'm sure that you are highly qualified. It's just that we're not hiring anyone at the third grade level.'

'We'd like to pay you what you're worth, too, Fenstrom. Unfortunately we must conform to the minimum wage law.'

'Let's keep in mind that although quitters never win, they often manage to avoid litigation.'

In and Out Sourced.

Between Offices

Work Slave

I'm over-educated and under-employed. That's why there's no MIDDLE class anymore.

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

'I'm afraid that the top investment banks are looking for more from job applicants than a 'Top Degree from the University of Hard Knocks'.'

'You can't fire me! -- This is a right-to-work state!'

'We like your style, but hate your substance.'

'...And for the low visibility positions we can bring people on board who can, you know...do things.'

''A desk job.' That's what they called it at the interview.' 'Same here.' 'SHH!'

If a moo can rise to the top, so can I.

"Boss... I just read an article about trans-humanism. Apparently, sometime in the next 50 years, it will become possible to live forever."

Get Well Soon and Hurry Back to the Office. . . Before Sharks Eat Your Job

"It raises trust issues, Mr. Kranse, when your very first question is 'what's the catch?'."

"That's nice, but do you have any references other than your Mom?"

'I blame the nothing for something culture.'

'Absent friends!'

'As my subordinate, naturally I expect you to take the heat on things that otherwise would make me uncomfortable.'

'You call it diversified work experience.. I call it can't hold a job.'

'You'll be broadening up your horizons in a cubicle.'