Employment Services Gifts

ACME Employment Agency

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

37 years in the same position.

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'Curious how all four previous employers spelt 'exceptional' with just an 'x'.'

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'I'm sure that you are highly qualified. It's just that we're not hiring anyone at the third grade level.'

'We'd like to pay you what you're worth, too, Fenstrom. Unfortunately we must conform to the minimum wage law.'

'Let's keep in mind that although quitters never win, they often manage to avoid litigation.'

'Inevitably, I come to work early, leave late and alienate everyone.'

I'm over-educated and under-employed. That's why there's no MIDDLE class anymore.

Work Slave

In and Out Sourced.

Between Offices

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

'I'm afraid that the top investment banks are looking for more from job applicants than a 'Top Degree from the University of Hard Knocks'.'

''A desk job.' That's what they called it at the interview.' 'Same here.' 'SHH!'

'We like your style, but hate your substance.'

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

'I blame the nothing for something culture.'

"That's nice, but do you have any references other than your Mom?"

"It raises trust issues, Mr. Kranse, when your very first question is 'what's the catch?'."

Get Well Soon and Hurry Back to the Office. . . Before Sharks Eat Your Job

If a moo can rise to the top, so can I.

'As my subordinate, naturally I expect you to take the heat on things that otherwise would make me uncomfortable.'

'This is the last time we post job openings,'

'You call it diversified work experience.. I call it can't hold a job.'

'You're one heck of a corporate head-hunter, Ms. Bridwell.'

'It's a difficult position to fill. Someone who's smarter than me - and smart enough to pretend not to know it.'

"What other skills do you obtain other than being able to answer interview questions?"

Day one, post grad