Employment Specialists Gifts

Personnel,' Possible candidates'-'That'll be the day'.

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

I'm not making enough money to like you.

'Inevitably, I come to work early, leave late and alienate everyone.'

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

"Well, sure. We could hire some Temps, but they only live about ten days."

'I don't understand. You've wasted the whole interview going on and on about what you know... I think you'd better start telling me who you know.'

If you really need permanent staff for IMMEDIATE cover then we could pull out all the stops and get someone by next October.

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

'The school computers are six months old. How can I be expected to be competitive in the job market if I'm trained on obsolete equipment?'

Ace headhunters.

'This is the last time we post job openings,'

"I've written the employees' benefit manual in invisible ink"

"I never said they were well-compensated. I just said they were paid handsomely."

"Everything looks real good...except these long gaps in your work history every winter."

I'm going through your application as we speak.

'You're one heck of a corporate head-hunter, Ms. Bridwell.'

'It's a difficult position to fill. Someone who's smarter than me - and smart enough to pretend not to know it.'

'Henry has found his niche with us.'

'Yes,we have equal pay in that we are grossly underpaid, all of us.'

"You're in luck...I've unearthed those payroll records from 3 years ago."

'We're an equal opportunity employer and we do not discriminate against sex, race, religion, age, or astrological sign.'

ROBOT EMPLOYMENT AGENCY, 'We don't have much on hand right now --how'd you like to be a Pez dispenser?'

'Are you the genius who came up with the 'Alternative Payment' program?'

'We're looking for someone who's very responsible. In fact, we're looking for someone who's always responsible.'

'We can't find a pond small enough where you'd be a big fish.'

"I excel at appearing awake in meetings."

Human Resources Dept: Full time/part time/over time/time and a half/time out.

'Qualifications aside, Mr Thumb, this is the cutest resume I've ever seen.'

'right, make sure any new companies we acquire have an ageing workforce'

'This is the age of specialisation - you can't be a hunter AND a gatherer.'

"Here's your paycheck. I hope we'll both find it amusing."