Employment Specialist Gifts

"What made this guy stand out?" "He applied."

Recent ICE raids in Nebraska open up dozens of jobs for American workers.

'I'd love to have whatever job you have left.'

'It's a certificate of recognition for my good record of hiring the handicapped.'

'Qualifications aside, Mr Thumb, this is the cutest resume I've ever seen.'

"Under 'salary desired', could you be more specific than 'obscene'?"

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

I'm not making enough money to like you.

'Inevitably, I come to work early, leave late and alienate everyone.'

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

"Well, sure. We could hire some Temps, but they only live about ten days."

'I don't understand. You've wasted the whole interview going on and on about what you know... I think you'd better start telling me who you know.'

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

If you really need permanent staff for IMMEDIATE cover then we could pull out all the stops and get someone by next October.

'The school computers are six months old. How can I be expected to be competitive in the job market if I'm trained on obsolete equipment?'

'This is the last time we post job openings,'

Ace headhunters.

"I've written the employees' benefit manual in invisible ink"

'It's a difficult position to fill. Someone who's smarter than me - and smart enough to pretend not to know it.'

"I never said they were well-compensated. I just said they were paid handsomely."

I'm going through your application as we speak.

"Everything looks real good...except these long gaps in your work history every winter."

'Yes,we have equal pay in that we are grossly underpaid, all of us.'

'You're one heck of a corporate head-hunter, Ms. Bridwell.'

Dolestart - A New Initiative

'Henry has found his niche with us.'

"You're in luck...I've unearthed those payroll records from 3 years ago."

'We're an equal opportunity employer and we do not discriminate against sex, race, religion, age, or astrological sign.'

'Are you the genius who came up with the 'Alternative Payment' program?'

'We're looking for someone who's very responsible. In fact, we're looking for someone who's always responsible.'

Human Resources Dept: Full time/part time/over time/time and a half/time out.

'We can't find a pond small enough where you'd be a big fish.'