Job Placement Specialist Gifts

'We can't find a pond small enough where you'd be a big fish.'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

'The whole floor got together and came up with a few things you could work on.'

"Well, sure. We could hire some Temps, but they only live about ten days."

'I don't understand. You've wasted the whole interview going on and on about what you know... I think you'd better start telling me who you know.'

Surprised chicken: 'I know. I can't believe it either.'

If you really need permanent staff for IMMEDIATE cover then we could pull out all the stops and get someone by next October.

'The school computers are six months old. How can I be expected to be competitive in the job market if I'm trained on obsolete equipment?'

Ace headhunters.

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

I'm going through your application as we speak.

'We're an equal opportunity employer and we do not discriminate against sex, race, religion, age, or astrological sign.'

ROBOT EMPLOYMENT AGENCY, 'We don't have much on hand right now --how'd you like to be a Pez dispenser?'

'We're looking for someone who's very responsible. In fact, we're looking for someone who's always responsible.'

'Qualifications aside, Mr Thumb, this is the cutest resume I've ever seen.'

"I excel at appearing awake in meetings."

'right, make sure any new companies we acquire have an ageing workforce'

Something tells me his current firm aren't going to be happy to let him go!

A house being demolished in order to make way for a road widening scheme, with the occupants being evicted.

'We've replaced the hiring bonus and the health coverage with a promise of a job.'

"Aren't you the old guy in purchasing whose decades of slavish devotion inspired us to replace you with a small army of sycophants?"

"I need to take a call. Argue amongst yourselves."

When staffing agencies screw up.

"I think we might already have lost the next set of graduates, they don't see us offering a career path..."

CIA, NOW HIRING, 'My resume? - I memorized it and burned it.'

Personnel,' Possible candidates'-'That'll be the day'.

'I need to hire more people. I can't keep making all of these mistakes.'

"Tell us something we don't know."

"Under 'salary desired', could you be more specific than 'obscene'?"

'You used to be a living legend. Now you're a living has been.'

'Think OUTSIDE the box, not ABOUT the box.'

'I'd love to have whatever job you have left.'

"I see you have experience in mergers and acquisitions?"