Employment Advisor Gifts

"I've given you a glowing reference, Hempson. And here's the disclaimer to go with it."

'Inevitably, I come to work early, leave late and alienate everyone.'

'Well bang goes your second career as a claimant.'

Tribunal Claims office with 'Direct Discrimination' tray and 'Indirect Discrimination' tray.

"I'm looking for a job at an anti-capitalist non-profit organization but I want at least 3000 bucks a month!"

Unskilled Meets Clueless

"That vacancy for a 40k a year mattress tester doesn't exist...."

"I've got to be honest. It's going to be hard to find you a position that offers 40 days of personal time."

"Everything looks real good...except these long gaps in your work history every winter."

"Great news! - We've found you a job at a circus..."

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

"The little engine that could... after taking advantage of family connections, a trust fund, working two years for free as an intern, and finally getting hired as an independent contractor."

"Some advice please...How do I squeeze 9 days work into 5 and still see my family?"

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

"Work hard, make the sacrifices and in 25 years you could be just like me!"

"This your resumé?" "Yes, it's a list of things I hope you never ask me to do."

I'm over-educated and under-employed. That's why there's no MIDDLE class anymore.

'You lack the expertise we're looking for, Mr Wheaton - but darn it, I like your attitude.'

"Typical company, I'm the only woman!!"

'You say you're willing to start at the bottom...'

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

'Hunting and gathering doesn't sound very interesting, so I have decided to become a consultant.'

'The school computers are six months old. How can I be expected to be competitive in the job market if I'm trained on obsolete equipment?'

Bubble; 'This castle manager job better be for real.'

'This is the last time we post job openings,'

"I'm interested in working with animals and deliveries."

'I think and work spectacularly well either inside or outside the box.'

Dolestart - A New Initiative

'Jumping over a candle stick is known as an entry level job.'

'So, what do you want to be when you grow up: rebel scum or loyal servant of the supreme android republic?'

"The boss told me I have to start at the bottom."

'You're one heck of a corporate head-hunter, Ms. Bridwell.'

Your position has been outsourced, Blue bottle...if you wish to continue working for us...may I suggest relocating and taking a 600 pay cut.

"Well, I have an opening in Cloverdale Mall ... let me hear you say Ho Ho Ho."