Job Advisor Gifts

'We've nothing for bomb disposal, tank driving or parachuting. How does cold calling PPI sound?'

"You want a job where you don't have to stay in one place for too long? Thought about football management?

JOB Centre "Have you considered shop work?"

'I'm afraid all I can offer you is 20 minutes on the Jeremy Kyle show.'

Ethics exam cheater.

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

'As a beginning teacher, you know you come here prepared to teach and become a good teacher. As you gain experience, you will learn that you also come here to care and become a great teacher.'

"Oh, stop it. You are not at all obtuse." Complimentary angles make the other angles feel good about themselves.

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

"Then we have an unspoken agreement?"

Continuing education.

'How many times have I told to seize the day before it seizes you?'

U of Debt

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

Procrastinator Foumdation: 'We're putting off the decision to fund you for at least another month...'

"Some advice please...How do I squeeze 9 days work into 5 and still see my family?"

"Give a man a fish and you feed him for the day. Teach a man to fish and you can charge a consulting fee."

"Work hard, make the sacrifices and in 25 years you could be just like me!"

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

"The little engine that could... after taking advantage of family connections, a trust fund, working two years for free as an intern, and finally getting hired as an independent contractor."

I'm getting ready to apply for college. Do you have a list of party schools?

'Answer these constituents letters. Tell them to go to hell in a nice way.'

'Inevitably, I come to work early, leave late and alienate everyone.'

All Hail the Matriarchy

'You lack the expertise we're looking for, Mr Wheaton - but darn it, I like your attitude.'

I'm over-educated and under-employed. That's why there's no MIDDLE class anymore.

"This your resumé?" "Yes, it's a list of things I hope you never ask me to do."

"Just go with the workflow."

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

"Typical company, I'm the only woman!!"

"You say you’re currently holding down 3 jobs...very impressive."

'You say you're willing to start at the bottom...'

"What's your occupation?"

"I'd like to change my major from dental to mental."

Saving for College.