Job Advisor Gifts

'We've nothing for bomb disposal, tank driving or parachuting. How does cold calling PPI sound?'

"You want a job where you don't have to stay in one place for too long? Thought about football management?

JOB Centre "Have you considered shop work?"

Ethics exam cheater.

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

'As a beginning teacher, you know you come here prepared to teach and become a good teacher. As you gain experience, you will learn that you also come here to care and become a great teacher.'

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

"Oh, stop it. You are not at all obtuse." Complimentary angles make the other angles feel good about themselves.

"Then we have an unspoken agreement?"

Continuing education.

'How many times have I told to seize the day before it seizes you?'

U of Debt

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

Procrastinator Foumdation: 'We're putting off the decision to fund you for at least another month...'

"The little engine that could... after taking advantage of family connections, a trust fund, working two years for free as an intern, and finally getting hired as an independent contractor."

"Give a man a fish and you feed him for the day. Teach a man to fish and you can charge a consulting fee."

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

"Work hard, make the sacrifices and in 25 years you could be just like me!"

"Some advice please...How do I squeeze 9 days work into 5 and still see my family?"

I'm getting ready to apply for college. Do you have a list of party schools?

'Answer these constituents letters. Tell them to go to hell in a nice way.'

'Inevitably, I come to work early, leave late and alienate everyone.'

'You lack the expertise we're looking for, Mr Wheaton - but darn it, I like your attitude.'

"This your resumé?" "Yes, it's a list of things I hope you never ask me to do."

I'm over-educated and under-employed. That's why there's no MIDDLE class anymore.

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

"Typical company, I'm the only woman!!"

'You say you're willing to start at the bottom...'

"You say you’re currently holding down 3 jobs...very impressive."

Saving for College.

"Brilliant cover letter, lousy résumé."

"What's your occupation?"

"I'd like to change my major from dental to mental."

'Hunting and gathering doesn't sound very interesting, so I have decided to become a consultant.'

Bubble; 'This castle manager job better be for real.'