Unemployment Advisor Gifts

Wanted by the DNC: Someone, Anyone to Stop Bernie Sanders

Dolestart - A New Initiative

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

"Work hard, make the sacrifices and in 25 years you could be just like me!"

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

"Some advice please...How do I squeeze 9 days work into 5 and still see my family?"

'Inevitably, I come to work early, leave late and alienate everyone.'

I'm over-educated and under-employed. That's why there's no MIDDLE class anymore.

"This your resumé?" "Yes, it's a list of things I hope you never ask me to do."

'You lack the expertise we're looking for, Mr Wheaton - but darn it, I like your attitude.'

"Typical company, I'm the only woman!!"

'You must be the only 'Jack-of-all-trades' who is out of work in all of them!'

'You say you're willing to start at the bottom...'

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

'Hunting and gathering doesn't sound very interesting, so I have decided to become a consultant.'

"I just need help getting started. A little seed money."

Bubble; 'This castle manager job better be for real.'

'The school computers are six months old. How can I be expected to be competitive in the job market if I'm trained on obsolete equipment?'

'This is the last time we post job openings,'

'I think and work spectacularly well either inside or outside the box.'

'You're one heck of a corporate head-hunter, Ms. Bridwell.'

'Jumping over a candle stick is known as an entry level job.'

Your position has been outsourced, Blue bottle...if you wish to continue working for us...may I suggest relocating and taking a 600 pay cut.

"The boss told me I have to start at the bottom."

'So, what do you want to be when you grow up: rebel scum or loyal servant of the supreme android republic?'

'Can't stand diary products myself, but a job's a job.'

"Victims of out-sorcery."

"I'm good at ticking boxes."

'Henry has found his niche with us.'

Sid Sinatra.

"Everything looks real good...except these long gaps in your work history every winter."

'It's a difficult position to fill. Someone who's smarter than me - and smart enough to pretend not to know it.'

Opp'y of a Lifetime

"I'll have to get someone younger to look at your résumé. I'm not fluent in emoji."