Employment Seeking Gifts

'I've had to travel to find suitable employment.'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'I have this fear of the real world...'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"He's having a hard time finding work."

37 years in the same position.

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

'We manufacture micro computing circuits. We're looking to hire someone who can anticipate the next small thing.'

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

Good Luck!

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

'Now then - I just wanted to see how you handle pressure, Mr. Boyle.'

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

"I love you in a suit. You look so... employed."

"So what makes you think you're qualified for this job?"

'Curious how all four previous employers spelt 'exceptional' with just an 'x'.'

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

'I'm sure that you are highly qualified. It's just that we're not hiring anyone at the third grade level.'

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

How are you at decision making?

'A depressing thought just came over me. Now we'll have to go out and get a job!'

'We'd like to pay you what you're worth, too, Fenstrom. Unfortunately we must conform to the minimum wage law.'

'...we have every new employee spend time on our assembly line. Eight hours, no breaks.'