Looking For Employment Gifts

'Well, another year, another dollar.' 'Yeah, as soon as one of us gets a job that pays that much.'

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'I have this fear of the real world...'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

37 years in the same position.

"He's having a hard time finding work."

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"He might not have got the job with Google, but they weren't going to stop Brian skateboarding to the office."

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

'We manufacture micro computing circuits. We're looking to hire someone who can anticipate the next small thing.'

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

Good Luck!

'Now then - I just wanted to see how you handle pressure, Mr. Boyle.'

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

'I'm sure that you are highly qualified. It's just that we're not hiring anyone at the third grade level.'

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

'Curious how all four previous employers spelt 'exceptional' with just an 'x'.'

How are you at decision making?

'A depressing thought just came over me. Now we'll have to go out and get a job!'

"So what makes you think you're qualified for this job?"

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

"I love you in a suit. You look so... employed."

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

'We'd like to pay you what you're worth, too, Fenstrom. Unfortunately we must conform to the minimum wage law.'