Looking For Employment Pillows

'Well, another year, another dollar.' 'Yeah, as soon as one of us gets a job that pays that much.'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'I have this fear of the real world...'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"He's having a hard time finding work."

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

37 years in the same position.

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'We manufacture micro computing circuits. We're looking to hire someone who can anticipate the next small thing.'

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

Good Luck!

'Now then - I just wanted to see how you handle pressure, Mr. Boyle.'

'A depressing thought just came over me. Now we'll have to go out and get a job!'

"I love you in a suit. You look so... employed."

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

How are you at decision making?

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

'Curious how all four previous employers spelt 'exceptional' with just an 'x'.'

"So what makes you think you're qualified for this job?"

'I'm sure that you are highly qualified. It's just that we're not hiring anyone at the third grade level.'

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

'We'd like to pay you what you're worth, too, Fenstrom. Unfortunately we must conform to the minimum wage law.'

'...we have every new employee spend time on our assembly line. Eight hours, no breaks.'