Looking For A Job Gifts

'Strangest interview I've ever been on. To see if I was a team player, he asked me to spot him a twenty.'

"He promised to get a job when he get parole - so he's seeing how to get into the church."

"Well, YOU tell personnel you need every winter off and see if you get a job!"

"I can't go job hunting. I don't have a permit."

Job Hunting.

'I sent 1000 email resumes and no replies however one prospective employer said the clipart was cute.'

'Good news. David has decided to look for a job.'

"I'm good at ticking boxes."

"So I take it that having your head cryogenically frozen accounts for the thirty-five year gap in employment?"

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'I have this fear of the real world...'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"He's having a hard time finding work."

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'We manufacture micro computing circuits. We're looking to hire someone who can anticipate the next small thing.'

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

'Now then - I just wanted to see how you handle pressure, Mr. Boyle.'

Good Luck!

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

"So what makes you think you're qualified for this job?"

'A depressing thought just came over me. Now we'll have to go out and get a job!'

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

How are you at decision making?

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'