Job Searching Gifts

'That's true. We did advertise for someone who 'works well under pressure'...'

'Someone important is bound to see my resume now!'

"I see you've come prepared for an in-depth interview."

'...the job is so much harder when you don't know what you are doing.'

Personality testing...

'It's a little chilly in here. Throw another batch of resumes we have on file in the fire.'

"You'll have to look harder than that to find a job, Son."

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

'We'll be in touch. I still have to interview a few other applicants.'

A good place in the queue.

'We're extending an offer of employment to you contingent upon the results of a drug test, psychological consultation...'

America's Biggest Export...

'Refusing to fill in a psychometric test reveals a lot about you, Jones.'

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

'Was my salary expectation a bit too high?'

'I only need a job until I win the lottery.'

'You need someone who is responsible. That's me! In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible!'

'The resume is handwritten because I am not very good with computers' - The LAST thing you should say in ANY job interview.

'This resume is incredible. Would you be able to lie this well under pressure?'

'Special skills? Well, I've been told I make a mean martini!'

"I see by your resume that you've got a big problem with formatting."

"...ten years at college must count for something."

'Actually, there's no interview necessary. Just pull out the sword and the job's yours.'

"I'm looking for a position in a less competitive market."

"You'll need at least seven to ten years of revelant experience to be considered for this kindergarten position."

'Help wanted: Various positions available'

Career Guidance Office '...then again, what do I know; look where I work.'

'I'd like a job as a job creator so I can create an easy, high paying job for myself.'

"Tom, it's come to my attention that you're trolling for a better job, using your company computer."

'Any other references beside me?'

Dang! They're always out of 'handsome and brilliant neurosurgeon!'

"The aspirin there is your medical benefit and here is your vision benefit."

'I get out in sixty days -- I guess I better update my resume.'

"I don't see any mention of quicksand skills on your resume."

'Your work experience, résumé and references are all perfectly adequate...but nothing seems to stand out.'