Job Hunt Gifts

"...ten years at college must count for something."

'The main requirement for this job is the ability to live without money.'

"Skip the job description and tell me how clean and well-lighted your bathrooms are!"

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

'No kangaroo jockeys required!'

'I'll tell the other candidates that they needn't bother to have their interviews then, shall I uncle?'

"No need to remove your pants. I think I've seen enough of your resume."

'I'm looking for someone to bask in my glow.'

"Pension plan? We'll, we do take up an office collection."

"And just how long have you been, 5' 10"?"

"Be honest, do you think it's my profile pic holding me back?"

"Wow, listen to that: "Do you have a pioneer spirit? Wolves needed for reintroduction into European National Parks"..."

'There's lots of text messaging in this job. I need someone who can just sit back and twiddle their thumbs all day.'

'What was that 'something or other' about not being a good listener?'

THEATRICAL AGENCY, 'We have an opening to do some commercials - How'd you like to be the LEAST interesting man in the world?'

'... and I especially like this attribute... 'an immigrant's work ethic'.'

"Of course, with the position that has the benefits—medical, dental, et cetera—there is no salary."

'Who said honesty is the best policy?'

'I would prefer to just look at your resume.'

'Good think I've recently updated my resume.'

'When I said I wanted to see how he coped with the 'unexpected', I meant a tricky question!'

"Are you a decisive type person?"

"Raise your hand if you're the only one that's not getting let go."

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'I have this fear of the real world...'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"He's having a hard time finding work."

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."