Job Hunters Gifts

'I only need a job until I win the lottery.'

'The resume is handwritten because I am not very good with computers' - The LAST thing you should say in ANY job interview.

"The online part of the interview was yesterday."

We don't have any vacancies for people to 'pierce the heart of a virtuous maid with the arrow of desire'...have you thought of about working in a call center?

'University of Xylongatnyefxodyl - never heard of it!'

'Honestly, all I'm looking for is a job with a better health insurance plan.'

"You get two weeks of vacation, seven sick days and you can play dead twice yearly."

"I'm applying for a job here. Is the pay good?"

'What about the rolls you promised me?'

'Regarding salary requirements...just how huge is your student debt?'

'He's not in right now, but if you leave your résumé, I'm sure he'll give it a good sniffing over when he returns.'

'What's your threshold of pain when it comes to salary and benefits?'

'Drawing unemployment isn't perfect, but it's better than having no career at all.'

'The job is yours if you're willing to shave.'

' I believe you'd both make fine additions to Nationwide Mobile Phone Technologies, so I'm leaving it up to whose ringtone I like better.'

"What I lack in formal education I make up for in dexterity using search engines."

"When I said to make yourself comfortable..."

"My career is missing something...a job!"

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

'I have this fear of the real world...'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"He's having a hard time finding work."

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"He might not have got the job with Google, but they weren't going to stop Brian skateboarding to the office."

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

Good Luck!

'Now then - I just wanted to see how you handle pressure, Mr. Boyle.'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

'A depressing thought just came over me. Now we'll have to go out and get a job!'