Job Hunter Gifts

'Someone important is bound to see my resume now!'

Personality testing...

'Oh I can be reliable and for an extra three hundred a week, I can be efficient too.'

"We offer competitive pay, good benefits and an attractive severance package."

Help wanted. Various positions available.

'We're not looking for someone with good leadership qualities so much as we're looking for someone with good herding instincts.'

America's Biggest Export...

'You don't want the job, do you?'

'Don't worry about your small handicap: Santa is an equal-opportunity employer: It will turn out fine...'

'You need someone who is responsible. That's me! In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible!'

Your resume is only 8 words long! You're hired!

'What made you want to apply to this accountancy firm in particular?'

'If you had your own business, would you give yourself a job?.'

'Judging from your resume, I'd say you probably can afford me.'

Personnel: 'We're hoping to find someone who can help us turn things around.'

"You'll need at least seven to ten years of revelant experience to be considered for this kindergarten position."

'How do you explain these terrible verbal SAT scores?'

'Actually, there's no interview necessary. Just pull out the sword and the job's yours.'

'We were going to give you a job interview, until you mentioned that you actually wanted to get paid.'

'Yes, we have flex time...except when it's not convenient.'

Options Menu: Stall/Answer different question/Filibuster/Feign heart attack.

'Right, I hope that gives you an idea of what the work is about, any questions?'

'I like your style - you've got the job.'

'Why is your resume copyright protected by online-resumes.com?'

'Your resume says that you were previously a waiter. Can I assume that you're comfortable taking orders?'

"I think we may have found the mover and shaker you're looking for, JD..."

'I'm going to write a salary figure on this piece of paper. You tell me if it is acceptable or too high.'

"I can see from your résumé that you're a man."

Impressive resume.

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"You realise the post is only part time, no more than 60 hours a week!"

"I see you have a wife and six children. Do they all have to eat?"

"I take it that's a no?"

If promotion prospects are so good, why are you still stuck in this crummy job?

"That's it, deep fried or mashed. Do you want a job or not?"