Job Hunter Pillows

'Someone important is bound to see my resume now!'

Personality testing...

'Oh I can be reliable and for an extra three hundred a week, I can be efficient too.'

"We offer competitive pay, good benefits and an attractive severance package."

Help wanted. Various positions available.

America's Biggest Export...

'We're not looking for someone with good leadership qualities so much as we're looking for someone with good herding instincts.'

'You don't want the job, do you?'

'Don't worry about your small handicap: Santa is an equal-opportunity employer: It will turn out fine...'

'Judging from your resume, I'd say you probably can afford me.'

Your resume is only 8 words long! You're hired!

'What made you want to apply to this accountancy firm in particular?'

'You need someone who is responsible. That's me! In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible!'

'If you had your own business, would you give yourself a job?.'

"You'll need at least seven to ten years of revelant experience to be considered for this kindergarten position."

'How do you explain these terrible verbal SAT scores?'

Personnel: 'We're hoping to find someone who can help us turn things around.'

'Actually, there's no interview necessary. Just pull out the sword and the job's yours.'

"I can see from your résumé that you're a man."

'Right, I hope that gives you an idea of what the work is about, any questions?'

"I think we may have found the mover and shaker you're looking for, JD..."

'We were going to give you a job interview, until you mentioned that you actually wanted to get paid.'

Options Menu: Stall/Answer different question/Filibuster/Feign heart attack.

'Yes, we have flex time...except when it's not convenient.'

'I'm going to write a salary figure on this piece of paper. You tell me if it is acceptable or too high.'

'Why is your resume copyright protected by online-resumes.com?'

'Your resume says that you were previously a waiter. Can I assume that you're comfortable taking orders?'

"You're desperate - I like that."

"You realise the post is only part time, no more than 60 hours a week!"

'Oh, I forgot -- I'll need a letter of reference.'

"That's it, deep fried or mashed. Do you want a job or not?"

'I see that you a degree in comparative societal cultures. We're prepared to offer you a job as an unpaid intern in our shipping department.'

"I see you have a wife and six children. Do they all have to eat?"

"I take it that's a no?"

"Friendly tip for your next interview - the interviewer gets the big chair."