Job Seeker Pillows

"You said I'd be part of a team."

"You'll work nights and the pay is garbage."

"Well, you certainly seem to have a lot to offer this company, and, of course, the truffles are a hell of a plus."

"We look for people who can quickly adapt to changes in the workplace."

'Thanks for coming in. We'll get back to you as soon as we lower our expectations.'

'Someone important is bound to see my resume now!'

'My strength lies in my ability to deny my weaknesses.'

"What made this guy stand out?" "He applied."

'We're looking for someone who's comfortable taking risks.'

"I think I should warn you that the flip side of our generous bonus-incentive program is capital punishment."

"I really believe my research abilities would be an asset to whatever this company is called."

'Oh!...You did dress up for the interview.'

'We have an opening for a part-time intern, which could lead to a full-time unpaid internship.'

'What's the minimal level of competence around here?'

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

'Let me start by saying I wish I had your imagination...'

"When did you say you left school?"

'Well, I guess a master's degree is a master's degree, even if it is in skateboarding.'

"You're in luck. We have an opening for low man on the totem pole."

"I see from your résumé that you enjoy attending the occasional soccer match."

'I think I'm decisive. Can I get back to you on that?'

'So. . .why do you want to work for us?'

Yes, I can see you're bound. I suppose my question is, are you determined?

"Early retirement is an OK long-term goal, Kevin, but most folks need to get a job first."

'Where do you see yourself in five minutes?'

"I'd like one of those careers where you make a six-figure income while wearing a T-shirt and sweatpants."

"I've given you a glowing reference, Hempson. And here's the disclaimer to go with it."

"I'm looking for somebody who thinks big on small salary."

"ermm...I think I'll phone a friend"

"I've been working from home for the last couple of years."

'You don't want the job, do you?'

"I'd like to make $3.2 million a year, but I'll settle for $8 an hour."

'See, Baldwin? It's all about finding your niche.'

'A 'take charge' guy would be nice but I'm looking for more of the 'take blame' type.'

Thanks, I'd like to accept the job, but what is the salary? Sorry, it's against company policy to disclose that!