Human Resources Staff Gifts

'Ned, your repressed angst keeps tipping over and blocking my light.'

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

Liberties: civil and uncivil.

"Your character references - Don't you know ANY of their last names?"

"Well, Portnoy, if you have a complaint, let's have it out right here and now."

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

"Staff support"

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

"It's clear to me that you want to go far with this company."

'Ok, I'm in a paperwork mood. Let 'er rip.'

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

'Our parents were replaced by machines - We'll be replaced with new software.'

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

"They're having a fight over how best to handle client conflict."

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

'Take a few days off. Suck some necks ...'

Inclusive speech

"We're looking for that perfect blend of vision, ambition and ethical ambiguity."

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."