Human Resources Professionals Gifts

"We offer a generous flex time policy - you can work your 90 hours per week any way you'd like."

Acme Group: Glass Ceiling

...What if I promise to only use half my brain?

"I see high school, college, and business school, but I don't see obedience school."

"We're looking for someone who's more of a self-starter."

'You're overqualified, Sir. In other words, you've become too smart for your own good.'

Sometimes I feel the company would collapse if we weren't here.

"They didn't give me a watch - they just told me what time it was."

'Your resume says you pay attention to detail, which I would find easier to buy if your fly wasn't unzipped.'

'So, how's our company doing?'

"A few years ago, you management gurus told us to downsize until the halls echoed..."

'I didn't know 'Businessish Management' was something you could get a degree in.'

Abuse or harassment of staff will not be tolerated

'Any other reason you want this job besides being quote: 'Deep, deep, unbelievably freakin' deep, in debt'?'

Methuselah attends a job interview.

'This is fine General. But how are your typing skills?'

Health and safety ...accident waiting to happen

"Actually, I gotta admit...maybe this job isn't right for me. I guess things change and it's just time...you know, time to move on."

'Are you the genius who came up with the 'Alternative Payment' program?'

"The deciding factor that got us to hire you above all the others was the 20% off coupon you added to your resume."

They want a woman - how do you feel about a sex-change?

"How come politicians don't earn mimimum wage. If anybody does minimum work, it's them."

Male & Female separate company buildings

'There's a hole in the women's restroom wall!', 'I have some men looking into it.'

Hard to believe we actually competed with other people for this internship.

"You don't actually need to attend the interview, we can find everything we need on your Facebook page."

"The good news is that I remember you from high school. Unfortunately, that's also the bad news."

"Laid off! I knew I shouldn't have chosen to be a gathering!"

Shorter Working Hours Now!

Worker's Rights

"We want you to be passionage about your job even if it sucks the life out of you."

"I'll need you to come in at the weekend to attend our new staff care training on managing a 'work-life' balance."

'Welcome to our staff, Ms. Newborn. There are a few things you should know about us from the outset. I'm a hummer... Mr Bellencourt is a whistle...And Morton, over there by the window, screams from time-to-time.'

'Well we are looking for people with a wide range of skills.'

'Employers' hugging a huge piggy bank handed down from 'Workers comp reform'.