Human Resource Specialist Gifts

TRUST: "Are you telling me that none of you knows what it means?"

"Stop bitching about Men who make more money than we do for the same work. I'm saving that in case no one gets fresh enough to sue for sexism."

'What about the rolls you promised me?'

"Can you characterize yourself in five words."

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

Businesswoman Empowerment

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

"Stock options for your thoughts."

"This position has become very important to the company."

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"My email is down... talk to me."

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

"Staff support"

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

'That's our mission statement.'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."