Hr Specialists Gifts

'The boss thinks you're burning-out, but instead of a vacation he's moving you under the smoke detector.'

Now They Know

'When I hired you, I needed someone to start at the bottom, and stay there.'

"When sales pick up I'll take you out of storage."

'Bringing your kids to work with you is one of our major perks.'

'They say laughter is the best medicine, which is great! That's about all our new health care plan covers now.'

"Are you sure people will show up?"

"Here at Consolidated Megacorp we carry on a proud tradition of marginal competence."

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"Stock options for your thoughts."

"My email is down... talk to me."

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

Businesswoman Empowerment

"This position has become very important to the company."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

"Staff support"

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

'That's our mission statement.'

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."