Hr Specialists Gifts

'The boss thinks you're burning-out, but instead of a vacation he's moving you under the smoke detector.'

'When I hired you, I needed someone to start at the bottom, and stay there.'

"When sales pick up I'll take you out of storage."

'Bringing your kids to work with you is one of our major perks.'

'They say laughter is the best medicine, which is great! That's about all our new health care plan covers now.'

"Are you sure people will show up?"

"Here at Consolidated Megacorp we carry on a proud tradition of marginal competence."

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"Stock options for your thoughts."

"My email is down... talk to me."

"This position has become very important to the company."

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

Businesswoman Empowerment

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

"Staff support"

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

'That's our mission statement.'

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'I'm glad you guys could work this out in a reasonable manner.'

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

"It's clear to me that you want to go far with this company."