Training Officer Gifts

'General, Sir, it's those damn engineers.'

TRUST: "Are you telling me that none of you knows what it means?"

"Have you been training anything apart from your abs?"

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

"You think you can? Think again, mister. You know you can. Got that?"

"Actually, she's just a figurehead boss. Our real CEO is an algorithm floating around somewhere in the cloud!"

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'Maybe we should have gone for a pommel horse.'

"I guess it's ethical. Let me run it through my 'Ethics Check' app."

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

Brian was very proud of his dog.

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

Overjumpers

"Any questions?"

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

'Not that sort of body building program!'

BBC - Crisis Management, Damage Control and Liability Supervision.

"I'm not sure about this new trainee - he asked me when does he get to see the actual ropes."

"I'm sorry, but we're looking for someone who's more likely to be followed than following."

How to deliver a successful presentation.

'Believe me, I know transformation isn't easy. I pulled a muscle once.'

"The desktop skills test was a little worrying,56% couldn't manage 'Word' 75% were confused by 'Excel' and 43% wanted to know what channel 'Eastenders' was on."

"Any questions?"

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

"He's the chief watchdog, who watches over all the other watchdogs—but this must be his night off."

Man practising karate is tempted by a glass of beer.

'Fetching is a good thing...but there can be TOO MUCH of a good thing.'